Unattached and Over 50 Give up on Love

Unattached and Over 50 Give up on Love

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Julie, by her own admission, has a life that many of her friends would love to have. She is financially independent, has two grown up successful children, has more friends than can be counted on two hands and could be out socialising every night of the week.

Yet there is one part of Julie’s life that she admits to have given up on … Love.

Like many women of a certain age and above, Julie finds herself single again after being in what she would describe as an ‘average successful relationship’ for many years. Like many relationships hers just dwindled into something that for her and her partner didn’t warrant staying together; so they didn’t.

Since the break up Julie has really found her feet in the single social scene, even tipping her toe into online dating. It works for her as she gets to meet lots of men, some of whom some become friends. Most however, are merely strangers, whose only connection with Julie is that they are both trapped in the world of endless first dates.

When asked about what she would like to happen in the romantic side of her life, she curls her lip and with a wry smile tells me that her time for finding someone who will love her has passed and now all she is expecting is for someone to care about her and with whom she can spend quality time.

Her statement about her time for being loved having passed her by made me wonder if that meant that other older unattached people had lost the capacity to give love and be in love again. Julie confirms that she still feels that she has the capacity to love someone but doesn’t hold out any hope for someone to love her back. But how is that possible? When I ask other man and women in a similar situation to Julie they say the same thing; “I have the capacity to love but do not think that someone will love me in return”. So the dilemma is not about whether people over fifty can be in love again but more about bringing those people together who feel that they can give love but not find it.

While this feeling that love has passed you by is uppermost in your mind then you are probably right, it probably has. But when you get into the mindset that, to quote a well known phrase ‘love is all around’, and that you are able to tap into the whole energy of love without expectation but with positive anticipation then the love that you feel you can give will surely be received.

Of course you need to get out there and mingle, otherwise you will limit the opportunities you have in life. But endless singles evenings and dating agencies which try to match everything from eye colour to shoe size may not be the answer. This type of ‘matching’ depends on searching for love. But by simply being yourself and expecting that the next love of your life is out there then the process of attraction kicks in.

If you have decided that you truly do not want to find another partner then that is one thing. But if you have simply given up because you think that your time for love has passed you buy then you need to change that mind set. I work with many people, male and female who feel that way but who also feel that they have love to give.