Intimacy and You

Intimacy and You

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I have learned many things about intimacy over the years through study and working with individuals and couples. But three things stand out from everything else I have learned:

1. Intimacy begins in the mind not in the body

2. There can be a huge difference between intimacy and sex

3. Being emotionally and physically intimate is usually inbuilt and rarely disappears (even when it has not been experienced for a long time)

While the first two above are really important I would like to have a look at the 3rd in just a bit more detail.

It is often the case that when a relationship comes to an end the feeling of intimacy diminishes.

There can be all sorts of reasons for this and usually as self-confidence is rebuilt the emotional intimacy you once enjoyed returns. However just like anything else if you get yourself into a position where intimacy is excluded from your life for an extended period then you may feel that you will never again regain those desires of the bind nor enjoy the physical intimacy with another person that you once had.

But let me assure you that with the vast majority of people even a long absence from any physical or emotional intimacy does not mean that it has gone for good.

Especially when you are a little older and have not been intimate with another person for a while, you may feel that this part of your life has gone forever.

It really just takes the right situation to bring it all back. If you are in this situation (single or in a non-intimate relationship) are you willing to give exploring intimacy a try? Are you willing to see if that area of “you” is able to be re-awakened?

If you have just answered ‘No’ to that question then give yourself a little more time and in a few days ask yourself the same question

If however you said yes (or even maybe) to becoming more intimate then I would like you to do 2 things.

Firstly take half an hour to yourself. Make sure you are not sleepy and that your mind is clear.

Don’t just squeeze in a quick half hour.

Wait until you have the house to yourself. Sit comfortably in your most favourite part of your house (or garden) and just relax. Close your eyes and allow yourself to drift off to a time in your life (no matter how long ago) when you had been intimate. This can be intimacy on your own or with another person. Remind yourself how it began. Was there flirting going on? Were you having a massage? Did you find yourself exploring your body when you were on your own? No matter what the situation, take a few moments to remind yourself about that time.

Now reconnect with that time in your mind. Remind yourself how you felt at that time. Remember the joy of the mind and of the body as you embraced intimacy and reconnect this feeling with the present. Allow your mind to feel those intimate feelings again now and allow your body to react to those intimate emotions.

Your mind is very powerful. Use it now to generate a good feeling in your body and help your body react by breathing deeply. Let your mind continue to explore the intimacy you know is within you even if it has not been an important part of your life for a while. Continue to explore both emotionally and physically for about half an hour.

Secondly. . Sharing can unlock intimate feelings