Is Your Love Life All You Want it to be?

There are many aspects to what we commonly call “Love”. There is the love we have for friends and family. There is also the love many of us feel for the world, its inhabitants and the universe. But the love for an intimate relationship is probably the type most fraught with challenges and insecurities.

We tend to think of the loving feelings we have for anyone else who is not an intimate partner as everlasting and probably in most cases unconditional. The love you have for your friends and family may not be high intensity but it will probably last a lifetime. It is the kind of bond that would take a very serious problem to break.

Love with an intimate partner is, on the other hand delicate and much of the time comes with highly charged emotions such as doubt, joy, ecstasy, pleasure, jealousy and passion. Something happens to our mind and body when we meet someone with whom we fall in love. But that all-consuming love which usually is obvious at the beginning of a relationship, no matter if it is love or lust, can often dwindle into being comfortable, mediocre and dare I say it boring.

How do we answer the question above; is your love life all you want it to be? Notice the question is not “is your love life fantastic”. No, it is about having your love life, as YOU want it to be. Let’s put aside the love for family, friends and the universe for a moment and concentrate on the intimate type of love. So how do we answer the question; is your love life all you want it to be?

First of all you need to determine what you want from the intimate side of your life. One persons’ idea of what is fantastic may not be another persons' view. Work out what is more important to you. Is physical pleasure in short term relationships right for you or is security with a lifelong partner the ultimate aim? Is the idea of passion passion and more passion with someone with whom you are committed what does it for you or is simply being on your own and finding intimate pleasure without a partner what you want right now? Everyone is different in what they want and need and everyone is correct in what they deem to be satisfactory for them.

Here are just a few Myths about love, intimacy and sex

·         Trying to change your partner to fit into what you think they should be is ok

·         Sex is only sex when there is more than just yourself involved

·         Sex without love is wrong

·         Withholding intimacy with your partner is a valid method of punishment

·         Being in love means never arguing

·         Intimacy must involve intercourse

·         Having an orgasm is the key to good sex

·         When you are in a relationship you need to give up being yourself

·         Having had a failed relationships means you will never be in love again

·         When a partner cheats on you then it must have been your fault

·         Love and passion always diminish when you have been in a relationship for a long time

·         Older people should not be intimate or enjoy sex

·         Fore and after play is needed when being intimate

·         If your partner does not climax during sex you are a bad lover

·         Sexual fantasies are wrong

·         It is wrong to show your partner what you enjoy that will bring you intimate pleasure

·         Intimacy should only be done at night time and in the bedroom

Ultimately your idea of what is a good love life is right for you. But knowing what is right for you is easier said than done. Here are a few things you can ask yourself that may help

1.     When considering your intimate self, ask yourself what in the past has felt right, pleasurable and afterwards made you feel good about yourself

2.      Think of the last time you were intimate (with yourself or with another person). If it made you feel good in your mind and body then add it to your list of true feelings. If not then try not to repeat the experience in the future

3.     Consider whether a one night stand is right for you. Remember do not base your answer on what others might think. If this is right for you then it is right for you

4.       Is intimacy for you mainly in the mind, mainly in the body or a mixture of both mind and body?

5.      Ask yourself what needs to be done so that at least 80% of your future intimate life is as you want it to be

So there you have it. The level of satisfaction you have for your love life is entirely in your own hands. Neither your partner nor anyone else for that matter is responsible for you having a great love life.

You are responsible for you!